Bin_Kahey

 fuck..... she was so lovely.... i would go to every class i could back then.....just to see her some more.... we had like 5 similar subjects... lucky me could get to see her in all of them...... but still... i wish she would text me more and stuff... show me that she likes me back the same way i do all the time..... she isnt talking to me anymore.... im sure its an excuse that we have an exam tomorrow and she hasnt studied so she gotta study for it?... nope.... even i haven't studied for it... we all are gonna pass anyways and she knows that too..... but she told me she wants to do mtech later and needs to improve her GPA.......i've heard if you really like someone you make time for them... no matter what...... i do that... she doesnt..... i still miss her.... even though i believe i wont be texting her again because she doesnt seem interested.......... i miss sending her like romantic gifs in a disguise of me excited for some random stuff I wasnt actually excited about..... l...

I have been texting this girl who is in my class.... and I feel really worn out mentally.... last night I couldn't sleep well because she didn't even text me anything.... I wish I could ask her if she loved me back and stuffffff..... I think she lives in an apartment but sadly never calls me to her place like wuuuuttttt..... oh come on we only got so much time left till this semester's over, like 10 days. and guess, I was thinking last night about the same thing - about how I want physical intimacy so badly and it feels like she isnt even interested in me, I was thinking about the possibility of her fulfilling her intimacy needs from some other guy.... what if she has a boyfriend??? She told me money can solved almost all of the problems in life but for me that is not the case at all.... for me a woman like her can solve my problems.... because being with her takes all of the problems away......

 i just feel left out... seeing these couples in relationships..... meanwhile i never got into one..... i would always daydream about having my own someone special, a woman i could call anytime.... and she would be right there for me. I am too old now...... my youth isnt there anymore either... I dont wanna ask anyone out anymore

something makes sense today,  I cant believe why I couldnt see this before..?? people have been boasting about really good ctc, congratulating their friends with the lovely liquor bottle, that free drinks party that lasts till 3am, but will they really be able to enjoy the money when they wont get the time everyday in their busy corporate life ? Now someone might say "oh but what about the lavish few hours they are gonna get, the luxury, the pride? " I still don't know how to win this argument because the other worker who works the same amount as this big salary person also puts in the same amount of time everyday to his job.... looks like I will stay jealous instead of putting in work again